Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
