you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never joke about your clitoris.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
