A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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