My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
