im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
