im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My vagina just clenched in fear
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
