You smell like a Billy Joel song
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Are my feet made of real feet?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The air taste purple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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