so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So many bounce houses so little time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
