Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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