This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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