a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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