I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
