Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
