Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
