You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
