Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
