I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
