Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
