the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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