when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize