if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
