The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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