just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize