Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
