last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
