I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize