I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
