There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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