Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
