i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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