I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
