You really coming over, don't trick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
