just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
