i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
