thus making me awesome and them whores
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
