I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize