fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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