I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
