Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
