Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
