The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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