Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
