i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
