Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
