i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
