He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
