Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
