he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
