Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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