I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
