There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
