I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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