i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
