My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize