Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
