no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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