I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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