we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
