If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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