I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
