just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
