Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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