The maid of honor just puked.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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