my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
