I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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