her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
